


Every Hum and Echo and Crash Paints My Cave

by JaciSerigala



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anti-Gruvia, Aromantic, Asexuality, Discussion of Toxic Behaviour, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Friendship, Gray-centric, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Acceptance, Self-Realisation, THIS IS NOT GRUVIA, Tumblr: FTLGBTales, ftlgbtpride2020, toxic behaviour
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24558811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaciSerigala/pseuds/JaciSerigala
Summary: The guild shouldn't be a stifling prison, but they've been getting more and more insistent and intense in areas where they have no place. Gray's fed up and tired and something was bound to break.THIS IS NOT GRUVIA.
Relationships: Fairy Tail Guild & Gray Fullbuster, Gray Fullbuster & Juvia Lockser, Gray Fullbuster & Lucy Heartfilia, Gray Fullbuster & Team Natsu
Comments: 21
Kudos: 69





	Every Hum and Echo and Crash Paints My Cave

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from: 'If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It' by Snow Patrol
> 
> This was meant to come out yesterday, to go along with the prompt 'Tease', but uhh... that didn't happen, so have it today instead.  
> Happy Pride everyone!!

“Gray-samaaa!”

A barely smothered flinch was the only second Gray had before too familiar arms wrapped themselves around him. His skin crawled as he fought to speak around the discomfort.

“Juvia…” He acknowledged, not comprehending how she could have so much energy at 8 in the morning.

“Gray-sama! Did you wake up early just to see Juvia?” Her wide eyes bore into his, like they were trying to uncover all the secrets he kept far, far down, trying to force him into a spotlight where he had no place.

“No.” Gray replied shortly, finally managing to push her away from him. Side-stepping her, he sped over to the bar, drawing in a breath of relief when she kept a respectable distance from him.

“Then what is Gray-sama doing at the guild so early?” Juvia muttered, and Gray could practically _hear_ the cogs turn in her head, and when a gasp fled out of her, all he could do was sit back and watch as their exchange played out like clockwork. “Could it be Gray-sama is here to go on a date with Love Rival?! Gray-samaaa! How could you?”

Already, all he wanted to do was to escape the walls of the guild, and frankly, even Mira’s coffee was starting to sound less appealing than avoiding this topic all together.

“No.” Was all he could say, shooting Mira a grateful look when she slid his drink over. “Thanks, see you later.”

“Good luck on your mission.” The barmaid smiled warmly.

_But it wouldn’t be that easy, would it?_ Of course not! That would be the universe giving him a break from this craziness!

“Oi, Ice Boy! Why can’t you just give her a chance?” Droy called out, the words barely coherent around his grilled cheese.

“Yeah, it would make the guild a lot quieter, besides, then she’d stop harassing you!” _Would she though?_

His shoulders rose higher as he stalked out of the hall without so much as a glance, the cup shaking in his tightening grip.

_It wasn’t that easy!_

“Morning, Gray!” Lucy smiled, waving from her place next to Erza, the redhead mumbling excitedly about how she was finally getting through to ‘one of them’. Gray didn’t have the heart to tell her that this was less about being on time and more about not being stifled. Still, he wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, as he used the guise of her rambling to calm down whilst they waited for their tardy teammates to finally show up.

By the time Natsu finally showed up, Gray was feeling calm enough to actually tease him. Erza’s punishment whilst Happy squeaked and tried to hide behind Lucy was amusing and as they stepped onto the train, Gray felt himself unwind.

At the same time… it broke his heart to realise that Magnolia was starting to feel more and more like a prison.

The train journey was punctuated by a normalcy that he didn’t think he’d ever get tired of, as the mission briefing was started, interrupted only by Natsu’s lovely croaks, and concluded. They lapsed into silence when Natsu finally fell unconscious, with Lucy falling asleep shortly after and Erza and Happy entertaining themselves with their preferred meals.

At some point in the journey, the train banked a little too hard and Gray graciously swooped in to stop Lucy from being rudely awoken by the floor. She slumped over in her sleep and her head came to rest on his shoulder. The blond smiled at whatever dreams she was having and Gray returned the smile, fondly, as he contently resigned himself to being a pillow for her. This was where he felt most at home, surrounded by his smiling team (save for Natsu), where he didn’t have to meet any expectations and he could just be Gray.

From the first time they had all travelled and worked together, Gray had known that this was why he had been born. To be with his team. To travel and see the world. To just exist alongside his family.

_If only it could last…_

“Gray-sama! Juvia is so glad you made it back safely!” Juvia squealed in delight, reaching out to hug him again. Disinterest ran through him as he side-stepped the assault and let his gaze drop to the floor. _Why did he have to be here to give the mission statement?_

“Thanks.” He muttered with as little sincerity as he could muster. It felt like every time he spoke to her, he was stepping onto a minefield, never knowing what could set her off into the mindset that ‘she was getting closer to winning over her darling Gray-sama’ or into tears when he shot down her attempts again and again.

“Oh, please! Ice Block barely did anything, I was awesome!” Natsu jeered.

“ _You_ don’t get to say anything! We would’ve had our full reward if you hadn’t gone and set fire to that rose bush! At least _Gray_ didn’t lose us our pay!” Lucy snapped grumpily, glaring over at him.

And that was that, Gray supposed, grimacing as he watched Juvia straighten up to her full height.

“Love Rival only says that because she’s jealous! Well, _Juuuvia_ always believed in Gray, so-”

_He couldn’t do this anymore._ Spinning on his heel, he moved to walk out, praying to any God that would have mercy on him to let him get away.

“And where are you going?” Erza called across the hall.

“Home.” He replied, not looking back, tension radiating across his body.

“Is Gray-sama tired? Juvia can come and walk him home and cook him some dinner, and-”

“No, Juvia, just… no.” He ground out, but of course _it wasn’t that fucking easy._

“Oi! Don’t just dismiss Juvia like that!” Gajeel barked, his voice echoing around the room, and suddenly all eyes were on him and now there was no hope of escape.

“Don’t yell at Gray-sama, Gajeel-san! Juvia is sure he’s just tired from the mission!” Juvia tried to defend and _God, couldn’t she just shut UP?_

The hall fell into a hush of gasps and softly spoken curses, and it took a moment to realise that he had said that aloud. Turning back around, his heart clenched at the broken way Juvia was retreating, looking at him, so utterly betrayed.

“You’re being more callous than usual, be a man and face her!” Elfman called.

“I have-”

“Ignoring her and making her feel like shit isn’t facing her.” Jet growled.

“I-”

“Why should we have expected any less from him? All he ever cares about is himself! Heartless bastard!” Gajeel snarled, he was up and moving, as if to threaten Gray and force him into accepting. As the enraged eyes bore into his skull, he felt the tension suddenly give way and there was nothing he could do but watch as his mouth finally opened, as the words finally came out, and tremors broke out across his body as he felt his home potentially being ripped away. Again.

**_“WHY?”_ **

Gajeel stopped short as blazing cobalt eyes matched his anger, beat for beat.

“Was _last time_ not good enough?” Gray yelled, hands curling into fist whilst frost crept out around him, keeping everyone back. “I _have_ faced her, I told her ‘no’ at the fucking Grand Magic Games! I told her no, but she didn’t _listen._ None of you did!”

“So why should I face her if my ‘no’ doesn’t mean shit? And why shouldn’t she have taken my ‘no’? It doesn’t mean anything! As far as anyone here is concerned, what she wants is a perfectly good reason to ignore what I want. I’ve been telling her no from the get-go,” He whirled around to look Juvia in the eyes. “ _I’m not interested._ ”

“But that doesn’t matter. Of course not! Because it’s perfectly reasonable to say that her happiness can come at the cost of mine. And why shouldn’t she think that? None of you have ever told her no, either. None of you have told her that making a shrine of me in her apartment is creepy as hell, that stalking me and guilt tripping me and harassing any one I so much as look at is unacceptable. Erza, Cana, Elfman, Gajeel, Jet, Droy, you’ve all told me to give her an answer, and I _have_ but because it isn’t ‘yes’ it doesn’t hold any weight.”

Everyone was frozen. Everyone was watching him, horrified and surprised, some even look betrayed, and each and every one of them cut through him until it felt like he was bleeding. Here it was. He had known it would only be a matter of time before he screwed up with this family, too. He was the end of his time as a Fairy Tail mage but Gray couldn’t make himself look away, like some sick need to watch his own self-destruction from beginning to end.

“So tell me…” His voice shook and cracked, but it was the only evidence of his inner turmoil. He still stood strong, fists clenched, eyes blazing, muscles taut. “What else can I do to get it through to you all that I’m not interested in relationships, full stop, nevermind _her?_ ”

He could feel the tears.

They were coming and there was nothing he could do to stop them.

All he could do was postpone them as he waited for their answer.

“Gray-” Lucy started. He swallowed thickly at the way her eyes were watering, but still, he held up a finger.

“Stop.” He whispered, almost pleading. “I don’t want an apology until you know what you’re apologising for.”

She fell silent, her hands twitching and Gray knew she wanted to give him a hug. He didn’t allow it.

An apology was on his lips, as the little boy inside him wanted to steal all the words back out of the air before he lost yet another family, and he could feel the trembling growing more and more violent. _Why was he still stood there?!_

“Goodnight.” He whispered, turning to walk out for real this time.

“Gray, wait-”

“No, Erza,” He sighed, deflating a little. “I’ll be back tomorrow, you can decide what you want from me then.”

Stepping into the night felt like swallowing knives, and _God_ , he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t believe he just spilled out his heart to the guild. He couldn’t believe that he had really gone and told them. He couldn’t believe that they really thought he was just being a dick this whole time.

He couldn’t breathe.

And he didn’t know where he was going.

He didn’t stop walking until he couldn’t see the glow of Magnolia on the horizon, anymore.

He collapsed in a cave near the base of Mt. Hakobe and he let the tears fall.

**Author's Note:**

> I realised that I'm am probably asexual a little while ago, and it was a really comforting realisation. This fic is meant to be sort of a celebration of that fact, so even if this doesn't line up with other people's experience with asexuality, I don't really mind. This fic means a LOT to me, so thank you for reading and please support asexuals and aromantics this pride. We're here and we deserve to be celebrated.


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